The Thing About Kike
Kike hated weddings because they meant lots of unsolicited advice, pitiful looks, and annoying attempts at hooking her up with an “eligible bachelor”. You know, the usual treatment women got when their fourth, fifth, or sixth cousin was getting married and they were still single. She was getting dressed and thinking about how much she would have to smile so people would not assume she was unhappy.
“Kike hurry up! We're running late.” her mother shouted from downstairs. Good she thought. She was downstairs ten minutes later and joined her mother in the car.
When they got there, she congratulated the couple and dropped her gift in the pile.
She was eating and scrolling through her Instagram when she saw Aunty Tolu from a distance. Oh god! I hope this woman isn’t coming here Kike said to herself. Shit! She is.
“Good afternoon, ma.”
“Ahan Kike! So that is how you wouldn’t have greeted me if I hadn’t come to meet you. Ko da o. Anyway, this your gele is fine. How is Michael? Is he here?”
“Michael?”
“Yes nau. Isn’t that your boyfriend?”
“Not since five years ago.”
“You mean I’ve not seen you in five years? Why did you people break up? Omo dada de ni boy yen o. Do you have a new boyfriend?”
“No, ma.”
“Ah! Why? Fine girl like you.”
“I’m not interested.”
“What do you mean you’re not interested? Don’t you want to marry and have children?”
“I can have children without getting married.”
“Ehn? O fe di baby mama. God forbid.”
Thank god her cousin has come. Maybe she’ll leave me alone now Kike thought when she saw her mother.
“Tolu how are you?” her mother asked.
“Sister Joke, good afternoon. I’m fine.” she replied and then turned back to Kike “You remember Iya Tope abi? Her friend’s nephew just finished master’s in UK. I can ask her to introduce you people.”
“But I said-”
“Tolu stop disturbing this girl. There is more to life than relationship and marriage.” Kike’s mother interrupted.
She mouthed a “thank you” to her mother and she picked up her remaining small chops while excusing herself. God forbid I waste small chops because of one annoying woman.
During the drive home, Kike wondered for the millionth time in her life whether or not to tell her mother. After all, she was understanding and usually had her back. But this is different she thought to herself. Everyone is understanding until they’re not.
Kike was getting ready for bed when she decided that she didn’t need anyone’s understanding because it wasn’t going to change anything. She went down to the living room and saw her mother watching reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
“Mummy, I need to talk to you. It’s important.”
“What happened? Is it about work?”
“Uhm not really.”
“Okay. What then?”
“You know how I keep saying I don’t want to get married?”
“Yes. What about that? Have you met someone?”
“No. I just wanted to tell you that I like women.”
“Really? Me too.”
“Mummy I mean like like o. As in lesbianism.”
“I know.”
“You’re a lesbian?” she asked in disbelief.
“Don’t be silly, Kikelomo. I’m bisexual.”
