No, You Do Not Have a Gaydar
A lot of people, heterosexual and otherwise, believe that they have this thing called a gaydar. That means they think they can tell what another person’s sexual orientation is through intuition. I don’t think it is a real thing.
You see a masculine presenting woman and automatically assume she’s a lesbian or at least bisexual. You see a man wearing lipstick and make the same assumption that he is not straight. They indeed turn out to be non-heterosexual. Just like that, you have convinced yourself that you have a gaydar. You have a third eye, extreme illumination, and a superpower from the gay gods to be able to detect their children in a crowd.
You meet someone that does not fit society’s stereotype of what a gay person should look or act like, and you somehow rightly guess that they are not heterosexual. Oh boy! Your gaydar is off the charts. You know who is gay and who is not even though they look “normal”. I hate to break it to you, but you still don’t have a gaydar.
For the record, the second scenario rarely happens. When it does, it’s usually because said person is in the middle of non-heterosexuals or people that are perceived to be.
The idea that a gaydar exists is hogwash and problematic. More often than not, what you call a gaydar is just you putting people into boxes and making judgments about them based on existing stereotypes. Other times, it comes from people knowing what only (other) gay people are supposed to know, things that are considered codes, signals, etc.
People sometimes have an identity wrongly ascribed to them as a result of this. Some non-heterosexual people have their identities erased because they do not fit into the box of what they should look, talk, or act like. They often have to deal with hostility or lots of questioning looks when they find themselves in queer spaces. Feminine presenting sapphics, for example, are often overlooked or seen as straight. Some end up questioning their queerness or feel the need to make a performance out of it.
I understand why gay, bisexual, and pansexual people like and need to feel that they have gaydars. It is nice to feel like you can easily identify your community wherever you find yourself. But heterosexuals, why? Why are you obsessed with the idea that you can tell who is straight and who is not just by looking at them? What does it do for you?
The next time you want to go on about how great your gaydar is or the next time someone asks if you have one, remind yourself that you do not have one. In fact, nobody does because it does not exist. Everyone is just upholding stereotypes.
